Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
