dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
