I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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