Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
