Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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