You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
