the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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