I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
