I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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