North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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