I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
