he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
