She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
