They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
