This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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