there's paper in my vomit.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
