my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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