So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
