your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
