We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
