I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
