Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
