she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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