He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
