I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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