Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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