I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
