How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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