mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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