Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
