you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
