I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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