i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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