went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
