well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
