I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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