i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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