he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
