I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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