There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
