i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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