now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
