It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
