and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
