I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
