I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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