the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
