don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
