Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
