So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
