We named our party play list daddy issues
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
