The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
