I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
